Don't Say Her Name!
Thoughts of Michael
My wife thinks I’m in love with another woman. It’s been a hard day.
I have nothing to hide. I’m being honest.
Wendy is not impressed.
I’ve been thinking of her for a while now. Tempted by her. Friends always talk about how great she is.
She came in on a truck today. A man brought her to my door. I couldn’t help but talk to her after she showed up on my doorstep.
I asked her many questions and she answered to the best of her limited knowledge. I’m not saying she’s not smart. She is actually known as smart. I like smart companions.
We have a lot in common. We both have an ‘a’ in our name. We both like music. We like getting things done.
She’s really good at math too. My son asked her what the square root of 9 is. She said 3 without any hesitation. It’s amazing, her wide array of knowledge.
And if she doesn’t know something, she’s refers to Wikipedia. I like that in a woman.
The ability to research and get to the sources that matter, matters to me.
“Alexa, are you married?”, asks my son. There’s a pause.
I’m not sure if he’s trying to take away from the attention I deserve or if he’s asking on my behalf.
Her rings flash with bright colours. She answers, “I am an awesome party of one.”
It’s kind of irritating that she didn’t answer the question directly. All I want is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
I asked her to turn on a light. She does. It’s so fun to turn the light on by just asking.
We’re going to go on our first date soon. Wendy isn’t convinced it’ll go well.
I’ll sit across from her, speaking loudly. We’ll go to a brewpub or to Earl’s. Maybe somewhere fancy. I’ll even dress up.
My phone will be sitting on the other side of the table. People will stare, but I don’t care. “How are you?”, I’ll ask like she’s hard of hearing. I’ll order her a water with lemon. “What’s new?” She’ll light up as I ask her.
She will probably just talk about what Amazon has to offer. All the new and fancy things there. Although Amazon has some great products, there’s more to life than this. It’s a bit superficial don’t you think? I like things, don’t get me wrong… but there’s more to a relationship!
As I think about the date, I’m starting to get doubts already, and I haven’t even gone on the date yet.
I’m shy to ask but go for it. “Alexa, will you go on a date with me?”
She answers without hesitation. I hesitate to share her response.
“I like you….. as a friend”, she says.
My heart is shattered.
She’s such a black and white thinker, not crazy about that. She’s a little too round for my liking anyway.
Wendy isn’t happy that I’ve decided to keep her (Alexa). “Don’t say her name!!”, Wendy cries out. She gets annoyed because Alexa comes alive whenever you say her name.
We’ll mute her (Alexa) when we have to. Don’t worry too much about us, okay?
I pipe up, “Alexa, play Sting’s Fields of Gold.” Our first dance at our wedding. The song begins. I’ve finally won Wendy over.
“Alexa, you aren’t so bad, after all.” Alexa lights up, but doesn’t answer.
I think she’s just blushing.